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Ribbons and Bows: Holiday Traditions for Stepfamily Bonding

Writer's picture: Cheryl ShumakeCheryl Shumake

Blended family hanging decorations

Blending a family is a sacred but challenging journey. As two distinct family units come together, it requires intentional, consistent effort to build strong bonds and foster unity among its members. Special events are the perfect time to create a sense of belonging in a blended home. However, little else accents the disjointedness in stepfamilies like special events: weddings, births, graduations... holidays.


The holidays can be a wonderful time filled with joy, laughter, connections, and traditions. For stepfamilies, however, it can sometimes feel complicated. Blending families means merging traditions, creating new ones, and fostering a sense of unity that honors everyone. It can also mean navigating custody orders, fighting for control, or grieving the absence of a child who's with their other family. Still, with intentionality, managed expectations, and God’s grace, the holiday season can become a beautiful opportunity to come together as a family.


Scripture reminds us of the importance of unity. Psalm 133:1 says, “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” While this passage speaks broadly of unity among believers, it also applies to the unity we seek within our homes, especially in stepfamilies where blending takes time and effort. With the holidays fast approaching, and equal opportunity for both fostering unity and devolving into chaos present, we thought we'd help you explore practical holiday traditions for stepfamily bonding. Leave the stress behind. Strengthen bonds this season, create unity, joy, and lasting memories.


1. Start with Love: The Best Holiday Tradition for Stepfamily Bonding

Love is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. In blended families, where the dynamics can often feel fragile, love must be continually nurtured. The Bible reminds us of this in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV):

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Love is not just a feeling but an intentional act. Patience, kindness, and forgiveness are especially vital. Building bonds requires making the choice to love each other daily, even when challenges arise.


Practical Application:

  • Create a Family Love Challenge: Have each family member write down ways they can show love to one another in practical terms. These acts of love might include sharing encouraging words, offering help with chores, or simply being a good listener. Over the course of a month, everyone commits to performing these acts of love and checking in weekly to share how they’ve felt and seen God’s love working in the family. This creates a safe environment for love to grow and strengthens family unity through mutual care.


2. Create A New Tradition Together

Every family has its own traditions, but when families blend, it’s important to create new traditions that

Blended family watching a Christmas movie

include everyone. These shared experiences are powerful because they foster a sense of belonging and ownership within the family. You can start small, choosing something that everyone in the family enjoys and can participate in. Proverbs 22:6 (NIV) encourages us:

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.”

By establishing new family traditions, you are helping your children feel grounded and united, giving them a sense of stability as they grow.


Practical Application:

  • Family Movie Night: Select a favorite Christmas movie to watch every year. Let the kids vote on which one they want to see and make it a fun night with hot chocolate, caramel apples, and popcorn.

  • DIY Ornaments: Each year, have every family member create a unique Christmas ornament that represents something meaningful from that year. Hang these on the tree as a testament to your growing family story.

  • Scripture Countdown to Christmas: Create an Advent calendar that includes a scripture verse for each day of December leading up to Christmas. Each evening, gather as a family to read the verse and pray together. Verses like Isaiah 9:6 (“For to us a child is born...”) remind us of the true meaning of Christmas and draw hearts closer to Christ and one another.


3. Blend Existing Traditions

Blending stepfamily traditions can sometimes be tricky as everyone brings their own holiday expectations. One way to honor all the families that comprise your blend is to embrace each family’s existing traditions while creating new ones that symbolize your unity. Hebrews 3:1-2 (NIV) reminds us of to make room for each other:

Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it

Incorporating existing traditions communicates respect, and gives your family members the opportunity to understand one another, grow closer, support one another, and show hospitality to each other.


Practical Application:

  • Take Turns: Alternate between traditions from each side of the family. If one family loves decorating gingerbread houses and the other enjoys caroling, find ways to incorporate both. The goal is to build a sense of shared history while honoring individual pasts.

  • Cultural Celebrations: The family of our daughter's fiance celebrates Vilgilia every Christmas Eve. During Vigilia, the family gathers together for a huge, multi-course dinner, waiting for midnight when they celebrate the birth of Jesus. It's a magnificent family tradition. If your stepfamily brings together different cultural backgrounds, use the holidays as a time to explore and celebrate each culture’s unique holiday customs. Merging these traditions enriches your family and teaches the children the value of diversity.


4. Serve Others Together



Blended family serving the homeless

One of our favorite Christmas memories is serving breakfast to people in a non-profit facility on Christmas morning. One of the greatest ways to bond as a family is by serving others. When your family comes together to bless those in need, it shifts the focus from what might be missing in your family dynamic to the abundance of blessings you can share. Philippians 2:4 (ESV) offers valuable advice:

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

When a family serves together, they are united in purpose and learn to prioritize the needs of others over their own, which cultivates generosity, empathy, and unity within the family.


Practical Application:

  • Adopt a Family in Need: Partner with a local church or charity to adopt a family for Christmas. As a family, shop for gifts, wrap them, and deliver them to the organization. This act of kindness reminds everyone that the holidays are about giving.

  • Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen: Spend an afternoon at a local soup kitchen or food bank. Serving together helps create lasting memories and cultivates a spirit of gratitude in the family. It also teaches children the joy of selflessness, something that Jesus modeled for us throughout His life (Matthew 20:28).


5. Focus on Gratitude

The holidays are an ideal time to pause and reflect on the blessings in your life. A stepfamily can use this season to focus on gratitude, fostering an atmosphere of thankfulness that heals wounds and builds closeness. 1 Timothy 4:4-5 (NIV) speaks to the importance of being thankful in all situations:

For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.

Expressing gratitude promotes appreciation, love, and unity in our families while creating a family culture focused on God's goodness.


Practical Application:

  • Gratitude Jar: Place a jar in a central location and encourage family members to write down things they are thankful for throughout the month of December. On Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, gather around and read them aloud. If you have children that live outside of the home, you can include them by having them text or email what they are thankful for, writing that down for them, then placing it in the jar. This simple tradition can open the door to meaningful conversations and deepen connections.

  • Thankfulness Challenge: Each day, encourage everyone to share something they are thankful for during dinner or family prayer time. By the end of the holiday season, gratitude will have become a daily practice that strengthens family relationships.


6. Incorporate Faith-Based Traditions


A blended family’s unity is anchored in Christ, and building a family culture that keeps Christ at the

Blended family reading Luke 2 at Christmas

center of your holiday celebrations is essential. When you intentionally focus on Jesus, and put on virtues that are reflective of Him, it sets a firm foundation for your stepfamily to grow in faith together. Colossians 3:14-15 (NIV) reminds us:

“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.”

By prioritizing traditions that focus on Jesus, you invite God to be at the center of your home, and experience His unifying peace.


Practical Application:

  • Attend a Candlelight Service: Christmas Eve services often include candlelight vigils that provide a

    beautiful reminder of Christ’s light in the world. Attending as a family can be an opportunity to focus everyone’s hearts on the reason for the season.

  • Read the Christmas Story Together: On Christmas morning, before the gifts are opened, gather the family and read the story of Jesus’ birth from Luke 2. This tradition places Christ at the forefront and reminds everyone that His presence in your family is the ultimate gift.


7. Build Memories with Fun and Games

Laughter has a powerful way of breaking down walls and creating bonds. Creating fun, light-hearted memories helps the family relax and enjoy one another’s company, without the pressure to “perform” as a perfect family. There are scientifically proven benefits to laughter and fun. They lower stress, reduce blood pressure, combat sorrow, stimulate "good-mood" hormones and more. Proverbs 17:22 (NIV) puts it like this:

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.

When our families laugh together we begin to associate the people in our families with pleasure, creating anticipation for times when we can be together.


Practical Application:

  • Holiday Game Night: Organize a holiday-themed game night with games like Christmas charades, trivia, or Pictionary. Consider dividing into teams to encourage cooperation and build teamwork. A favorite of ours is, "Who's Most Likely To." That game opened the door to the good natured teasing well-bonded families experience, helped us realize how well we do know each other, and produces a lot of laughter.

  • Secret Gifting with a Twist: Instead of typical gift-giving, make it a rule that the gifts must be handmade or come with a creative “service.” This adds an element of fun while encouraging thoughtfulness in how each family member serves the other.


8. Year in Review Together

The end of the year is a time to reflect on the journey your stepfamily has taken and to look ahead with hope. Coming together as a family to rehearse the ways in which God has demonstrated His goodness to your family over the last year, as well as to discuss dreams, goals, and prayers for the coming year, can foster a sense of shared purpose. :14-Psalm 66:5 (NASB) issues just such an invitation with:

Come and see the works of God, Who is awesome in His deeds towards the sons of mankind."

Reminding yourselves that Christ is the one who holds all things together, even your family, relieves everyone of the pressure to make something happen. Your family is happening, and God is at the helm.


Practical Application:

  • Year-in-Review Night: On New Year’s Eve or during the holiday season, take time to sit down as a family and reflect on the year. Ask everyone to share their favorite memories, accomplishments, and things they’ve learned. Then, discuss goals or hopes for the coming year and pray over them as a family.

  • Family Prayer Journal: Start a family prayer journal where each person writes down prayer requests for the coming year. This becomes a beautiful tradition of seeing God’s faithfulness and answering prayers as your family continues to grow.

 

Whether you’re establishing new traditions, serving together, or simply spending quality time as a family, every step you take toward building unity is a step toward creating a family that reflects God’s love. With intentional traditions, a spirit of gratitude, flexibility, and a focus on faith, your stepfamily can experience the true joy of the holiday season—one that brings you closer to each other and to Christ.


What traditions have you incorporated in your family that has helped you bond? Comment below.


Also, if you are struggling with knowing how to relax through the holidays, check out our article, 10 Holiday Wholeness Hacks for the Bonus Mom's Soul.



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