Marriage in a blended family often feels like navigating a spiritual and emotional battlefield. The challenges are real—different backgrounds, parenting approaches, expectations, and competing loyalties can create pressure unlike anything in a first-time marriage. Yet, God has a powerful vision for your marriage and family—one filled with hope, unity, and flourishing. You aren’t called to merely survive; you are called to build a marriage and home that radiate God’s love and wisdom.
When Jonathan and I married, we walked through those same struggles. We balanced emotional baggage from the past, worked to build trust with our children, and figured out how to grow our marriage along the way. I vividly remember one evening when a disagreement over parenting left me feeling miles apart from him. I hate feeling disconnected from Jonathan. I sat alone, defeated, wondering if we could ever truly become one. But in our brokenness, God met us. Jonathan took my hand, and we prayed, inviting God to guide us. That night didn’t fix everything, but it cemented a truth in our hearts—our strength isn’t in having all the answers, but in trusting the One who does. We rose from that prayer knowing this: with God, and together, we win.
Here are a few practical ways to implement God's blueprint for a thriving blended family marriage:
Root Your Marriage in Christ
A thriving marriage starts with the right foundation. Psalm 127:1 reminds us, “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” Your marriage is a covenant before God. He has invested in your relationship and given you everything you need to succeed. Your role is to trust Him, seek His wisdom, and walk in obedience.
There are nights when the weight of decisions presses hard on Jonathan and me. We pause, hold hands, and pray simple prayers like, “Lord, we need You. Lead our family.” Proverbs 3:5-6 often comes to mind: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." These moments of surrender remind us that we are not alone; God is leading the way.
Your Pathway to Together: • Immerse your hearts in Scripture. Let God’s promises renew your strength. • Extend forgiveness, grace, and patience often. • Pray together. If your spouse isn’t ready, pray for them and your family. • Join a blended family or marriage small group. Build community with others on a similar journey.
Prioritize Your Marriage
There is no blended family without there first being a couple leading that family. Unfortunately, with all the responsibilities that come with a blended family, it’s easy for your marriage to take a backseat. But Genesis 2:24 (NIV) reminds us, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." Your marriage must remain your primary relationship; above your relationship with your children, your parents, your siblings, friends, ministry obligations - every one and thing, except the Lord!
At Stepmom Sanity, I often share Jonathan’s sentiment: “It’s you and me against the world—even these kids!” We established from day one that nothing would outrank our relationship, except our walk with God. Prioritizing our marriage has led to deeper intimacy, security, and joy. Now, our daughters, both engaged, have told us they admire our friendship and want that same bond in their marriages. Your children are watching; give them something to aspire to.
Your Pathway to Together: • Laugh together. Get silly. Be best friends and lovers. • Schedule regular date nights—even if it’s a walk in the park. • Find shared hobbies. Jonathan and I love flying kites on windy days!
Build Resilience as a Couple and Family
Resilience is more than enduring difficulties; it is growing stronger together through them. James 1:2-4 encourages us to “consider it pure joy” when we face trials because they produce perseverance and maturity. Blended families need resilience—choosing to grow closer with each hardship.
There were seasons when Jonathan and I felt attacked from every angle—misunderstandings with the children, outside pressures, and our insecurities. I remember one painful time when one of our children resisted my role as a stepmother. I wanted to withdraw, but Jonathan and I stood together. We checked in with each other daily, not just to vent, but to reconnect and pray. That unity became our anchor.
Your Pathway to Together: • Check in daily, even if it’s a quick, “How are you? How can I support you today?” • Stay connected during travel. Jonathan and I called every morning and evening when he was on the road.
Forge Unity Through Intentional Effort
Unity is not automatic in a blended family; it must be cultivated intentionally. Ephesians 4:3 urges us to “make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” That effort starts with the marriage. In first marriages, couples often have years to cultivate their "coupleness" before adding children to the family. Blended families don’t have that luxury. You must work at building your couple identity while integrating your family.
Jonathan and I created a weekly marriage check-in—sometimes over coffee, sometimes after the kids were asleep. Those moments aligned our hearts and set the tone for our home. When your marriage is united, you set the stage for your family to experience greater peace.
Your Pathway to Together: • Set aside weekly time to talk and pray together. • Ask questions like, “How can we grow together this week?” • Remember, a strong marriage fosters a united family.
Align Your Parenting Approach
Parenting differenced often become a battleground for blended families. But Proverbs 22:6 calls us to “Train up a child in the way he should go,” emphasizing the importance of a unified approach.
There is ample opportunity for couples in blended families to be on opposite ends when it comes to parenting; one is authoritative, the other permissive, kids test every limit, or you struggle to honor perspectives about how to prioritize a child's growth. Biological parents feel protective of their children while stepparents may struggle to find their role. Your goal is not perfection, or even sameness. Your goal is alignment in how you guide your children. Unity in your approach provides stability, but play to your strengths.
Jonathan and I discovered our strengths complemented each other. I could reach my stepson when Jonathan couldn’t, and there were issues where Jonathan’s approach was better. We learned to lean into each other’s strengths.
Your Pathway to Together: • Create a parenting plan together. Be honest about discipline, expectations, and roles. • Present a united front. Revisit your plan regularly as your children grow.
Handle Conflict with Grace
Conflict is inevitable, but division is not. Colossians 3:13 reminds us to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance.”
We are commanded to be gracious with each other. Why? Because we are all sinners before a Holy God, Who would be right, fair, and just, to reject us. Instead, He extends grace and mercy. To do less for our brothers and sisters, especially the one in close proximity to us, is tantamount to exalting our self-righteousness above God's Holy righteousness. Whenever tensions arise, Jonathan and I pause and remember we love and like each other. One particular disagreement left us both frustrated and distant. But instead of letting it fester, we held hands, and prayed: “Lord, help us see each other with Your eyes. Heal what we cannot.” That simple prayer softened our hearts and brought clarity.
Your Pathway to Together: • When tensions rise, pause and pray together. “Pause and pray” is a small act that can reset the atmosphere and remind you that you are on the same team before responding. • Listen to understand, not just to respond. • Choose reconciliation over being right.
Celebrate the Journey
I used to be celebration-avoidant. I always waited until the act was complete. I celebrated Waiting to Be Wanted only when I had the physical copy in hand, while bypassing that I first completed the outline. Afterall, what is there to celebrate in a half-completed goal? Fixation on the goal cost me joy in the journey. But, every step forward is a testament to God's faithfulness, and worthy of celebration.
Genesis 1:31 states that God saw everything He created, including marriage, as "very good," indicating joy and celebration are inherent to producing. But, He didn't celebrate only when He was finished. The completion of each day found God celebrating the good work He had done. He celebrated the end result and He celebrated the process. It would bless our marriages to follow our Heavenly Father's example. Acknowledging the good work you're doing in your marriage before you see the results of that work fosters appreciation for each other, strengthens your bond, encourages a sense of achievement, and creates a sense of shared purpose. Celebrating the journey together strengthens the feeling of being a team... "you and me against the world!"
Your Pathway to Together: • Recognize efforts, as much as results. • Express specific gratitude for changes • Don't rush the process.
Together We Win
Blended family marriages face unique challenges, but they also hold the potential for deep joy and spiritual growth. With God at the center, intentional effort, and a commitment to unity, your marriage can thrive.
God is weaving a beautiful testimony through your blended family. Trust Him with every step— because together we win!
Reflection Question: What’s one action step you and your spouse can take this week to strengthen your unity?
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